The Fool : Leap of Faith

It has been a depressing day, week, month , year...... and what have you. The gloom lurking has suddenly consume me.


I dun recall I have ever been so depressed other the wierd period of my sec school life where by sunday will be my " talk to me and I 'll bite your head off" day of the week. Sundays still sting me a little but i never went back to that dark period, where i have organised mood swings.

Moody has nv been tagged to me by my friends. I believe I have high surface EQ. Folks not in my own house will never get to see me in my wierd tantrum and unexpalnable change of mood. I go from total isolation to banging everything posiible. Many of the times no rhyme or reason.

But this week has been out of the range gloomy for me. I feel something erupting in me. This stupid gastric prob that make me try to change my life style and diet and burn my patience. I m sick of all the preaching, doc diagnosis and medication. They dun seem to understand i m suffering from their not sure diagnosis and unavailable answers. i think i m giving them up. They just manage to depress more than the illness does.

The title of my blog originated from tarot meaning of the card FOOL. every week i was emailed a card's meaning. And I have no doubt why the fool is a symbol of the leap of faith.

To live a lifetime for a moment of brilliance

I m so sleepy. Its 4 am and I can't zzz. No thanks to ms bloaty tummy.

There seem to be a million thoughts that flash through my mind in miliseconds, who need meteor showers. Sitting alone at night is bad for mental well-being. The silence of the night create the perfect opportunity for thoughts that you have tuck aside in the day to sneak back to you at night, with a vengence.

I m presently doing a multi tab on all the plans, concerns, pro, cons, statistic, calculations that has been assulting me for quite some time. Raising quite a rush of panic in me haha, and the stupid thing is u can't do anything about anything in your room, at 4.am wearing PJs. And come morning all of them will just lurk themselves somewhere else while u get grumpy at work.

Sometimes break -ups is a gesture out of love.

Decided to post my blogs here from now on. It just seem more user friendly than my previous site.

Went to catch " The Break up" staring Jennifer Aniston ( aka Rachel in Friends). The seemingly romantic commedy is actually talking about a serious issue in relationship. Communication. Its not your usual romance commedy with a happy ending.The movies reflected how men and women communicate differently and how even when you both can't live without another , you still won't be able to live with each other.

It pinches me in a few way when the movie show how the couple manage to let each other slip further away because they could not communicate right. I m starting to wonder how come people are the most guard around the ones they love most. Maybe like the movies say, its about being vulnerable. Not many have the courage to take all they have and devote it to love. Most of us fear giving all and end up broken. I guess its human instinct to protect ourselves first. Whether it is dignity or love.